When Negative Emotions Threaten to Take Over

When we face trials in life, and we all do, it is easy to get caught up in our feelings and emotions, but is that where we should be focusing our energy? This post will share why focusing on our negative emotions can lead to even more despair and heartache, and it will share what we should do to move forward in our trials.

FAITH

1/12/202511 min read

Focus on God, not Feelings

My feelings are a fickle friend. They are constantly changing. Have you ever noticed that about yourself? For me, I notice that my feelings are often directly tied to my circumstances. If things are going well, I feel great. If I'm facing a trial of some sort, I don't. And, those emotions can change on a dime! For example, I can be sitting here, feeling content, typing on my keyboard, sipping my coffee...generally feeling like life is good. But, if in the next moment, I get an eyeroll from a child, or my dog steals my snack off the coffee table, or my spouse forgets to do the task he promised he'd complete, those good feelings do a 180. The contentedness may turn to frustration, annoyance, or anger. I don't know about you, but I can't live like that. I can't be on an emotional rollercoaster and fully function in my life. I can't be the best mom, wife, daughter, friend, coworker, etc. if I am always riding the ever-changing wave of my emotions. I need stability and steadfastness. This post will share what the Bible says about our emotions, how following our emotions can actually make a situation worse, and how we should focus on following God rather than those emotions. I've had to remind myself of these truths lately, and I hope that by recounting what I have learned here, that I can encourage you too.

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What does the Bible say?

We've all heard the advice: Just follow your heart. Maybe we've even been on the receiving end of that advice at some time in our lives. But, should we really follow our hearts? What does the Bible say about our hearts? What does it say about our emotions? Let's check it out!

Emotions were given to us by God.

Jesus is our model, and Jesus felt emotions. He felt joy. He wept with grief. He felt righteous anger. The book of Ecclesiastes talks about there being a time for everything: a time for weeping and laughing, mourning and dancing. Emotions by themselves are not bad! They are a part of life, and it's OK to take note of how you are feeling, even if you are feeling rotten!

But, we can't trust our emotions because our hearts are deceitful.

Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?

Oh boy. It's not so fun to read that, but it's true. Our hearts are not good. We tend to turn toward sin and selfishness on our own accord. This is why we need a savior. We can't be a good enough person on our own. We all tend toward self-centered and selfish desires. We need Jesus. We need His sacrifice for our sins, sins that flow from a wicked heart. And, even after accepting Jesus, we still are faced with the temptation to follow our sinful hearts! This is why we can't trust our emotions during trials. We can feel them and take note of them, but we shouldn't use them to guide our decision-making.

Instead, we need to trust in God, not our emotions.

Proverbs 28:26 - He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Our hearts are ever-changing. Emotions can change on a moment's notice. They are always shifting. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus talks about following His teachings. He says that those who follow His ways are like those that build their house on a foundation of solid rock. It will withstand the storms of life. But, those who don't actually put His ways into practice are like those who build their house on a foundation of shifting sand. The storms of life will eventually make it crash and fall.

This reminds me of the stability that I crave. I want my life to be built on a foundation of solid rock. I want to have assurance that when the storms of life come (and we all know they will), that I will be able to withstand it. I don't want to put my trust in my shifting emotions, but rather on the solid rock of Christ. God tells us in His Word, that trusting in our own hearts is foolish. He tells us that we are to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts. We are not to lean on what we think we know and understand, but rather on what His Word tells us to do. That will bring rock-solid steadfastness to our lives. Obedience to what the Bible says, in spite of our emotions, may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

What can following our emotions lead to?

In the moment, it is not always so easy to follow this advice, though. In the moment of a trial, my heart wants to react. If I feel I've been wronged in some way, I want to lash out, to let the other person know how much they've hurt me. Or, sometimes I hold it in, silently stewing over the perceived hurt. Both of these things just end up making the situation worse. I react in a selfish manner, I end up in a downward spiral of negative feelings, or I end up feeling hopeless about the situation. None of these things are good. Following our emotions can lead to all sorts of negative consequences.

Emotions can head into a downward spiral.

This happens to me a lot, when I choose to focus on how I feel rather than how God's Word tells me to react to a situation. If I am feeling hurt or angry, and I stew on it, I find myself feeling even worse. I find myself using absolutes in my mind. "He always..." or "She never..." I find myself putting thoughts and intentions into the mind of the person who has wronged me...thoughts and intentions that I have no proof were ever in the person's mind to begin with. I find myself being overly critical of myself. "I'll just never be good enough..." In short, I make a mountain out of a molehill. Have you ever done this?

Hopelessness and despair creep in.

Proverbs 15:13 - A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

When I am facing a trial, and I find myself focusing on my emotions, I notice that a sense of hopelessness and despair sets in. I am so focused on myself, that I only see the bad and the negative all around me. There may be bits of beauty and joy throughout my day, but my gloomy disposition doesn't let me see them. I have tunnel vision that is solely focused on me and my trial. No light, no joy, no gladness.

So, how do we actually follow God when we are feeling led by our emotions?

We know that our emotions are not to be trusted. We know that trusting in our feelings can make things spiral downward and make us feel worse. So, what can we do? What actions do we take in those moments when we feel overwhelmed by emotion?

We remember who God is and what He's done in the past.

James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Unlike our shifting feelings, God is unchanging. He is constantly good, and He desires the best for us. Always. Does that mean we won't face trials if we love God? Nope. Not at all. But it does mean trusting that there is good to be found in the trial. It means trusting in God's character and His unchanging nature MORE than trusting in how we feel in the moment.

This can be easy to say but hard to do, so here are a few tips to help you remember God's goodness and unchanging nature when you are faced with life's trials.

Revisit the past. When you see God at work in your life, write it down. Write it in a journal, put a sticky note in your Bible, keep a running list in the notes app of your phone, anything! Just write it down. This gives you something to go back to when you are in the midst of the "yuck." It gives you something to hold onto, proof that God has been there for you in the past and He will be there for you again. We need those reminders, just like the Israelites needed the stones to serve as reminders of God's goodness and provision (Joshua 4).
Jot down key Bible verses that can help you. Create a list in your journal. Add them to a sticky note to place in the front or back of your Bible. Someplace that will be easy to find and access in those moments that you really need them! Here are a few key verses to consider, but there are so many more! Find the ones that speak to you and make a list that you can easily access!
- Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
- Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
- Psalms 46:1 - God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
- John 16:33 - I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

We figure out what God's Word says about our situation.

We remember God's goodness and we bring our worries to Him, but that isn't the end of it. Ultimately, we need to do what His Word tells us to do. We need to be obedient to it, even if we don't feel like it. We need to ultimately put our trust in God, not in our emotions. How do we do that? We go to the Bible and see what it says about our situation. The Bible is full of stories about people who faced trials, tribulations, sin...just like we do. We can learn from those stories and we can learn from Jesus' words.

How do you find the sections that relate to your situation? Some Study Bibles have a topical index in the back. That can be helpful. Or, you can use a Bible concordance to find verses related to specific keywords. Here's the basic breakdown:

Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your study.
Write down the topics and keywords related to the issue at hand (marriage, anger, grief, jealousy, trust, etc.).
Use the Bible index or concordance to find verses related to those topics and keywords.
Study the verses and the context in which they are found. Read the passages preceding and following the identified verse so you get the full context of the situation being described.
Look up additional verses, study the context, and then begin to compare the verses that you are studying.
Identify big ideas, themes, or insights you notice.
Write down questions you still have. Seek guidance to get answers to those questions. Guidance may come from a pastor or a trusted Christian friend.

We bring every thought to God.

OK, so we stop and remember that God is good; that He's been there for us in the past and He'll be there for us again. Then, we go to God. We go with our big emotions and overwhelming feelings. We pour it all out at God's feet. It doesn't matter what emotion we are feeling - sadness, regret, anger - God can handle our big emotions. Look at the example of David. David faced some pretty big trials in his life. He was chased by a king who wanted to kill him. He committed adultery and murder. He lost a child. He felt despair, grief, loneliness, and fear. He felt he was abandoned by God. And, he went to God with it all. He didn't hesitate to pour his heart out to God.

Psalm 13

How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, LORD my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the LORD's praise, for He has been good to me.

I think we can learn from David. God can handle our big emotions. We don't have to worry about going to God with the perfect words, the perfect prayer. We just have to go to God honestly and lay our burdens at His feet. We have to trust that He will be there for us, that His goodness will prevail, even if we can't see goodness in the present moment.

Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When we focus on God and pray to Him, we can release our negative thoughts. Praying puts our hearts in the right position. We come before God like a child before a parent, asking for help and guidance. It allows us to release control and hand the issue over to God, to the one who has always been in control. These verses tell us to pray with thanksgiving, and I think this is for our benefit too. It reminds us of the good...all the ways God has already been there for us, all the ways He's already met our needs. It reminds us of who He is. I love how the verse ends: "And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

A little more peace sounds wonderful, doesn't it? When we lay our burdens down at God's feet, when we release our negative, anxious thoughts to Him, when we remember the goodness that He has already shown to us...this is what helps us to break free from the negative emotional spiral. It is what helps us to focus on what steps we should actually take, steps that align with God's Word.

Conclusion

So, the next time you find yourself facing a trial (and we will all face trials), focus on God and His promises, rather than how you are feeling in the moment. Remember all He's done for you in the past and seek out what His Word tells you to do about your present situation. It may not be easy to turn your back on your emotions and choose obedience, but it is worth it.

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